Embracing Change- Making the Most of the Unexpected

It's been two and a half weeks since I left my teaching job. Do I miss it? So much so! Did I anticipate not returning for my 2nd year of teaching? In no way possible! I was so ready to take on my 2nd year and even prepared to take my maternity leave and still return after that, but I've learned that not all things go as planned and unexpected change shows us that it's okay to slow down and focus on what's most important.

With all these new changes to our family dynamic, I'm embracing the time I have to focus solely on my family and enjoying watching the growth Stetson has had so far. Our little guy is 86 days old, just shy of 3 months, almost 36 weeks adjusted and has had so many changes happen in the past 2 weeks. The weight he had lost he has now gained back plus more! Stetson is now 4lbs and looking more and more like a healthy little babe. I have been fortunate enough to spend my days with him and be able to communicate with doctors, asking questions and be fully involved in decisions and his cares each day. Although we do encounter scares on occasions, there has been so much positive development for Stetson. Since the last blog, Stetson's respiratory rate has been shut off. This means that the breaths the machine was giving him is no more. he solely had his nose canula for oxygen purposes after the shut off. Doctors and nurses were confident in him being able to manage his own breathing and not needing as much of support like he had since birth. Quickly after that, his care team even made a few changes to his oxygen support by weaning down on his settings to see how much he can handle. Surprisingly, his nasal canula would pop out of his nose and he would tolerate it just fine; however, due to his background and still being so little, his doctors felt best to give him more time to show progression before changing him to a different type of oxygen support. Along with these big steps for Stetson- he's moved to a big boy crib, can finally have his blinds fully up to get exposure to light, has found his voice in the cutest cry I've ever heard and has been able to wear clothes and costumes!

As Stetson's very early birth was unexpected and miraculous, it helps us all understand how important it is to soak in all the things we now get to celebrate with him even if that means having to be present in the NICU with no set home date. Halloween, for example- I was thankful to not have to wake up and go to work that day. Big brother and I were fortunate to spend our morning with Stetson and see the Children's Hospital team dress up as movie characters while stopping by to see all patients and their siblings. Dad and I then brought big brother and sister to visit with Stetson and take their first ever Halloween photo each in their costumes while being held by big sister for the very first time. Look how precious the littlest Mickey Mouse is!!

Now after the joys of Halloween, there has just been so many ups despite some testing that his doctors are following. Here are some of the positives: as of this week, Stetson has made a room change yet again, back to the NICU neighborhood where he started. His nurses also changed his feeding tube from an OG to an NG. He started with an OG tube that went directly through his mouth, now this NG tube goes through his nose. Nurses decided to change this as he is getting closer to the point where we will start to introduce feedings at a very slow pace. But this gives Stetson the opportunity to start showing us feeding cues, which mama has already seen, amazingly! When he wants, Stetson takes his paci pretty well! He has also shown signs of sucking on his hand and waking up during his care time which is exactly what doctors and nurses want to see. Although these are all amazing signals, his care team has been changing things with his vitamins and feeds in hopes it helps prepare him more plus giving time to with settle into his new oxygen set up before introducing feeds. YES! You read that right!!! New oxygen set up. Today during our visit we were so surprised to see that Stetson was off of the canula and is now on a compressed oxygen machine that his nurse told us is exaclty what he will most likely go home with. They have taken him off the large CPAP machine and moved him onto low flow oxygen! Our miracle baby is truly just that! A miracle to show that amazing things can happen even through unexpected circumstances.

With all the great improvements, still comes some not so great things. This is always going to be expected as Stetson was born so very little and may need some support going forward. Our little guy has now had 3 eye exams and they are continuously checking his eyes weekly. Unfortunately, Tuesday was his last eye exam and his levels have not improved. One level has gone down but not yet for his team to intervene. They are hopeful that being on low flow oxygen will be helpful in his eyesight improving on its own. Stetson also still has his episodes of apnic breathing. We have been present for some of them and it's extremely scary but doctors are sure he will grow out of it with time to cure his chronic lung disease. We are also tracking his sugar levels as they have been low but he is in the right hands for helping him work through that.

As you can imagine, this is not how we pictured this year. This is not exactly how we pictured we'd spend our days or where. But we wouldn't change it. In this time of redesigning our lives, I am thankful for all that this process has opened my mind to. I am thankful to be present in the now and stepping back from certain roles and comfortability has made me realize that life is precious and too short to not adapt to what is in front of us and soak in what God's plan is. With all of these new improvements, we are more hopeful than ever that Stetson will come home in good health.

Thanks for being here! <3