My Miracle after Loss

This week I had an appointment with my doctor who had delivered Stetson. The very first thing she wanted to know when she entered the room was, of course, how Stetson was doing. She had been hearing about him through word of mouth at Children's Hospital but she was wanting more details through my eyes. I gave her the update and the words that came out of her mouth were, "A true miracle!" She then went on to explain just how much of a miracle he is. How every single milestone he has met and will continue to meet is a miracle. I couldn't help but cry and dig into my faith that I knew exactly where this miracle came from.

Summer of 2023, I unexpectedly lost my dad. I live states away from my family and unfortunately was not able to be by his bedside when this happened. I never felt such heartbreak like this before. To this day, I don't believe I have fully grieved or grasped this huge loss. Instead, my action was to be so busy that I didn't have much time to think of anything. I kept my kids busy, myself busy with a new job and coaching and all around being extra by doing the most for everyone around me. My husband and I had always talked about having another child; however, after having no time last year to even sit and watch television along with being secretly super emotional; I became content with coming to the conclusion that another child just wouldn't fit our lifestyle nor would I have the strength to know that my dad would not be present to meet another grandchild.

Little did we know we would become pregnant less than a year later! I was incredibly emotional the day I found out and beyond. Thinking of all the things my dad would miss out on but also the love our new baby would miss out on strictly from my dad. After nights of crying myself to sleep and stepping stronger into my faith, I quickly realized that this unexpected gift of pregnancy was sent from above. This was meant to be at this specific timing.

When my water broke with Stetson, I kept wondering why such tragedy was happening to me within the past year. Why I was experiencing the things I was- what I did to deserve all that was negative in my life. When my dad passed, I knew he was very sick- he had been for years. I knew physically he was declining with each year that passed by and he refused to talk about just how sick he was feeling and refused any kind of medical attention even to the very day he was rushed in. He fought with the very little strength he had left in him. As much as he was weak, I know he was still extremely strong that many had to hold him down to even get him to the hospital the night my mom called for him. Seeing Stetson be born with such low percentage odds of survival, I fully believe that his strength does not come from me or his dad (and we are very strong individuals). His strength truly is the strength my dad passed on to him. All that Stetson has been through and overcame so far has all been miracles from above, a true fighter mentality to live for something or someone who has passed on: my beloved dad.

I, unfortunately, have not been blessed with a visit from my dad in my dreams (and I think it's for the best because I would not be able to mentally nor emotionally handle it as much as I would love it) but my mom has. And recently she shared her last one with me where my dad was asking her how my brother was doing and then asked about "the baby". My dad was able to meet my sister's last baby, thankfully, but he specifically let my mom know that he was asking about Stetson. At just 1lb 4 ounces, Stetson was picking up his arms, gripping fingers with such strength, lifting his whole little bottom up with his feet and somehow managing to even attempt to lift his head. At 1lb 12 oz, Stetson managed to move his entire body from his tummy to his side to almost off of his cocoon bedding. At just a month of birth, his little body was able to fight off infections with the help of antibiotics to now at 30 weeks today, grow to over 2lbs! My sweet little boy is indeed a miracle baby, one who has taken over the strength of one of the strongest humans I know.

It is within my heart that I know God intended for my dad to pass on his strength through a new life. One that would beat all odds and show that miracles can happen and do happen during some of our weakest moments. As of this week, Stetson Rhett has progressed in weight to now weighing 1095 grams along with doctors being able to ween his ventilator settings to lower than before. This weekend they will lower his settings one more knotch in hopes that he is able to handle it. If all continues to look good this weekend, his care team is looking to remove him from the conventional ventillator and move him to the CPAP machine. After speaking with his team, his doctor is adament that his infections really did hinder his success in the last attempt at this transition and are confident he can handle it on very specific settings. Seeing what Stetson has been through at such a small age is incredible and saddening at the same time but he is pushing through everything life throws at him and has doctors amazed daily. We are fully aware that anything can happen at anytime but are so hopeful that he will become someone who will give others the understanding that miracles do exist. To learn more about NICU babies and how you can support, please check out an amazing non profit on instagram- @Dearnicumama or you can look into volunteering in your area at your local hospital. https://www.instagram.com/dearnicumama/

Sincerely,

TheHotMessBrunette